On a peaceful Sunday evening, Bert and Edna, married for 55 years, sat sipping lukewarm tea on their porch swing, watching squirrels wrestle over a Cheeto. The serenity of the moment was interrupted when Edna sighed and said, \u201cBert, let\u2019s talk about our bucket lists.\u201d Bert, raising an eyebrow, replied, \u201cBucket lists? Edna, I\u2019m 87. My only goal is to wake up and find my pants.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But Edna insisted they each do something they\u2019ve always wanted to try. Bert, surprisingly, confessed that he\u2019d always dreamed of skydiving. Edna was taken aback, reminding him that he nearly passed out the last time he bent down. Bert shrugged, joking that if he passed out mid-air, he\u2019d hope to land in the neighbor\u2019s garden\u2014he\u2019d always wanted to haunt him. They both laughed, and Edna agreed to reveal her bucket list item too. With a mischievous glint in her eye\u2014the same one she had in 1965 when she \u201caccidentally\u201d tossed Bert\u2019s bowling trophy out the car window\u2014she leaned in and confessed something shocking: for 20 years, she had made his favorite recliner tilt left by jamming a spatula in it, all as payback for him spilling grape soda on her curtains back in 1989.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But that wasn\u2019t all. Edna also revealed that she had sabotaged the remote by gluing a penny inside it so that it would only play Hallmark Channel movies. She had secretly made him watch five straight years of Christmas romances. Bert was stunned, but he couldn\u2019t help but laugh. Then, he calmly admitted a secret of his own. \u201cRemember my Saturday fishing trips that lasted ten years?\u201d Edna frowned, \u201cYou don\u2019t fish.\u201d Bert grinned. \u201cExactly. I was bowling. Won four trophies. They\u2019re hidden behind the water heater.\u201d Edna\u2019s jaw dropped. \u201cYou mean the one I threw out was fake?\u201d They both burst into laughter.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Edna bought Bert a new recliner, and Bert finally went skydiving. They even started bowling together every Saturday\u2014mainly to keep an eye on each other. Years later, at the age of 80, they tragically passed away in a car accident. Thanks to Edna\u2019s healthy lifestyle obsession, they remained in great shape until the end. When they arrived at the Pearly Gates, St. Peter showed them a beautiful heavenly home with everything they could ever dream of\u2014gourmet kitchens, a Jacuzzi, a golf course, unlimited food, and no cost. Bert, still skeptical, kept asking about prices, calories, and cholesterol. St. Peter reassured him, \u201cThis is heaven. It\u2019s all free. You can eat anything, and you won\u2019t gain a pound.\u201d Finally, Bert lost it and yelled, \u201cThis is all your fault!\u201d Turning to Edna, he fumed, \u201cIf it weren\u2019t for your healthy food and bran muffins, we could\u2019ve been here ten years ago!\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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